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His Needs, Her Wants

(This is an event article I wrote for my client, Marriage Central. To find out more about Marriage Central, please visit http://www.facebook.com/MarriageCentral or http://www.marriagecentral.sg/)

Do you find such conversations common among your married friends?

Husband to drinking buddies: “After a hard day of work, why do I have to return home to face a nagging wife?”

Wife on the phone with her close friend: “Why can’t my husband spend more time with the children? All he thinks about is work!”

Couples who attended Sunday’s talk on ‘His Needs, Her Wants” at the Marriage Central Resource Point at Jurong Regional Library learnt that such questions are often a reflection of the spouse not being aware of the needs and wants of the other half.

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(Mr Jason and Shelen Ang)

“Both husband and wife has a love tank each that needs to be topped up regularly,” shared Mr Jason Ang, one of the couple-speaker.

“The husband commonly look for Admiration, Sexual fulfillment, Companionship, Attractive Spouse and Domestic Support from his wife.”

Mrs Shelen Ang, Jason’s wife who co-presented at the talk, said that the wife, on the other hand, commonly look for Affection, Conversation, Honesty and Openness, Financial Support andFamily Commitment from the husband to fill up her love tank.

“List out this ten to your spouse and ask him/her to identify which are his/her top three,” said Mrs Shelen Ang.

“By doing this exercise, it is a start for couples to understand what their other half need and look at ways to fulfil them.”

Showing affection ranks high among the wives, but the usual complain is that husbands do not know how or find it too mushy to do so. However, Mrs Shelen Ang shared that showing affection can be done in a very simple and private way.

“Affection from my husband rank high on my wants, but I don’t expect flowers from Jason everyday.” said Shelen.

“There was once when Jason had to go overseas for work, he left little notes around the house, for example on the fridge saying things like he will miss me when he is away, or next to the mirror to say he loves me.  It is such small little acts of affection that fills my love tank.”

Mr Jason Ang ranks Companion as his top need and it is doing his favourite things with Shelen that helps fills his love tank.

“I enjoy doing things together with Shelen and I appreciate that Shelen takes time off to spend time with me,” said Jason.

“I love watching movies and going to the theatre and Shelen loves doing these too. So that’s how she fills my love tank by being my companion.

“In fact, now that we are speakers and often do joint seminars, I also consider this as part of companionship. In fact, speaking as a couple provides us with the synergy to share both the views from the male and female perspective.”

Mr Michael and June Ng, married for more than 25 years, attended the talk and both agreed that what was presented served as a reminder to them and all married couples.

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(Photo: Mr Michael and June Ng (Sitting in blue))

“We are happy to have attended this seminar,” said Michael.

“The talk was systematic and insightful and reminds us that a marriage also requires hard work.”

Mrs June Ng felt one of the reminders from the speakers was timely.

“When one of the speakers shared that when a wife talks to a husband, she does want a listening ear and is not insisting on solving the problem immediately. I nudged my husband after hearing this,” said Mrs June Ng.

“However, I also have to play a part to let my husband know that I just need a listening ear instead of assuming that he knows I need a listening ear. If I need to have the problem solved, I would have to be direct and let him know that we need to find a solution.”

The talk “His Needs, Her Wants” was presented by Mr and Mrs Jason Ang from Focus On The Family, a community partner of Marriage Central.

For more information on upcoming events, visit www.MarriageCentral.sg or drop by our Resource Points located within Jurong Regional Library and Woodlands Regional Library.

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